*yawn*

They said that you'll never be busier than when you're student teaching. Also, they said student teaching sucks more than anything has ever sucked before.

They were understating.

I've been falling asleep at 7:30 or 8 all the nights I can, and I'm still sleep deprived. The kids are testing me, half of them refuse to do any work (even when we fill out a worksheet TOGETHER, they still won't even WRITE THE STUFF DOWN... THAT'S how lazy a good half of them are), and many of them have expressed their gratitude that Ms. Erhardt will be taking back the class after next week. These, I'm told, are all signs that I'm doing a good job. Actually, I've received many kudos for the hard work I've put in and for my mad teaching skillz.

The thing that wears me down the most is the discipline. These kids are (and pardon the French, but there really are few words that do it justice) little shits to their normal teachers--so why would they be any different to me? Every day, I write about four referrals. That means calling parents, filling out paperwork, etc. etc. You've gotta be a pretty big jerk to get a referral. And my list for lunch detention has about 20 kids on it. Not exaggerating. But as I get to know the workings of the school, I realize that this isn't much different than what other teachers are dealing with. True, they're testing me a little more, but the math teacher also wrote four referrals today.

Much of it is the culture of poverty. My school serves free or reduced lunch to over 90% of the student body. PPS average: about 33%. Suburban school districts usually average about 15%. In addition to lunch, O.G. also serves breakfast and after school meal to many of these students--and that's all the food they eat in a day. I feel for these families who are struggling so much... but part of me wants to strangle these parents for the neglect, drugs, and crime they bring into their kid's life. And why is it so cool to be stupid? Some of my students are very smart, but struggle with low self-esteem because they feel like their peers view them as a "nerd." So, they sabotage themselves by acting out in class--and inhibit their peers' learning in the process.

This is not to say that my experience so far has been all bad. There have been moments of hilarity. I've gotten to know the students really well, and I like them more and more every day. I've also come to realize that generally speaking, the students who act out the most are (!) my favorites. Koleman says hilarious stuff, inappropriate as they are. And he's super smart--he just can't really control himself. Really. And Sam (the student who, long ago, was inappropriate, his mother wanted to come in to yell at me, and the principal got involved--remember?), who is also super-smart, has a really sweet soul and a fantastic sense of humor. One-on-one, he's actually mature for his age. But, being a leader, he feels pressure to perform--and sabotages himself along the way. Surprisingly, some of the sugary-sweet students who try to suck up to me annoy me the most... even if they get all their work turned in and rarely talk out of place.

So, I guess I mean to say that I'm working my tail off... and that I think it's paying off. I'm learning so much every day, and I'm beginning to feel like a real teacher. Next week is my last week at Ockley Green, and I'm not sure what school I'll be at for the next four months... but I'll miss the O.G.

Even if they're little shits.